your absence is unexcused

It makes no sense that I miss you so much sometimes. But we never made sense, so this is par, I suppose.

We hadn't seen each other or spoken in over a year, two, maybe, when you moved away. But when I found out you were gone for good it knocked the wind out of me.

No more chance of running into you. No more eye contact in a room packed with a 100 people. Those moments could wash away years between us and were something we learned to leave to chance, so it seemed to happen effortlessly with little engineering on either side. It was always good to see you once in a while. There was always that tiny, fragile thread still connecting us.

So we didn't end up together, but I always knew where I could find you and for years that was enough. Now, sometimes, it's harder. I drive down some streets and suddenly feel your absence. It diminshes me. When will I see you again? Will I ever? Probably not. Are you looking at the moon tonight too? Do you wince when you hear that song? Or do you smile now?

You remain my oldest, saddest secret, my regret, the one thing I never speak of to my girlfriends. This bubble only has room for you and me. Maybe that was the problem all along.