losing my shit

Yesterday I had my first-ever melt down at work.

I work from home mostly but am required to attend twice-monthly staff (I like to refer to them as "staph") meetings. These meetings are a 9 a.m. to 12 p.m free-for-all of anxiety, loathing, and various and sundry pathos on parade.

Long story short, my boss, who is a colossal horse's ass and the true definition of the word "clueless" was gyrating as usual but for some reason, his assholish-ness reached new heights of flaming assholishness and I snapped. Lost my shit. I gathered my stack of files and announced "This is fucking ridiculous. I'm out of here." Then I walked out, got on the elevator and made my exit. The number two guy in the organization made haste to run after me and trotted behind me as I sailed through the parking lot, puffing and begging me to allow him to explain, that it was all really his fault. Which it wasn't. He feels responsible for failing to control our asshole boss. It's not his job. He hasn't figured that out yet. He's a nice guy, but too nice.

I told him to fuck off too (but in a nice way) and drove to 7-11 where I purchased cigarettes, then parked at a nearby dog park and smoked and fumed until my co-worker/girlfriend, who knows me too well, pulled up and strolled over to the bench and asked "Wanna talk about it?" I really didn't, so we sat and I smoked and she and I watched a pit bull take a dump and then I went home to find 7 messages on my voicemail. Two from asshole boss. Two from too-nice number two guy and three from co-workers saying "YOU GO, GIRL, THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!"

My boss called me again and asked me the one question I was most hoping to hear:

"What's wrong? Are you hormonal? Because you acted just like my wife does when she's really feeling hormonal." The rest of the conversation is not fit for even this, my pathetic blog. But I think I'm getting a raise. A big one.