shit and other stuff

I am avoiding writing right now because it just seems completely impossible. I can write any hard news story thrown at me by my editor with a deadline of an hour ago -- in fact I have four digest pieces due by 7 a.m. that I really haven't even started yet but I know once I make sure the teenager has gone to bed, the dog is in from her final evening's rampage around the yard and I have shuffled to the kitchen for a cup of tea and finally turned on a lamp in here and sat my ass down, I will bang it out in no time.

But this creative stuff that demands imagination? I got nothing. And I am waaaay past deadline. I have done some research, yes, but it perches in a box on the corner of my desk accusingly. I can't bring myself to open it and sift through it. In case Scout stops by anytime soon: Hey chick, the only thing worse than not getting accepted to grad school is getting accepted to grad school. On demand/deadline writing that is news is one thing, on demand deadline writing that actually needs to be good is fucking insane. Who does that and does it well?

I was listening to NPR today on my way to the middle school to pick up Schmoopie, who, much to my chagrin, is the captain of the cheerleading squad, and as I wondered if the cheerleading practice would be over by the time I got there or if I would be forced to sit in the bleachers for a time and and smile artificially as the 13 and 14 year-olds do booty-shaking cheers for my approval, a woman who has recently written a book about a 16th-century female conquistador was being interviewed on the show. The interviewer asked her (the author) where the voice of her novel's heroine came from. Hm? From whence did this lusty, passionate, female conquistador --I think her name is "Inez" spring? The author said "From my womb."

Well, that's it, I thought, I give up. I do feel something flowing from a part of my body into what I should be writing for grad school, but it ain't my womb, okay? Oy.

PS--my boss is a dickless coward. I despise cowardice in men especially. If that makes me a sexist bitch, oh well.